Envy is the illusion that you’re on fire when someone’s gain is your loss. It’s an irrational zero–sum belief system that we need to unlearn.
While it may be uncomfortable to discuss, envy is a very real emotion that we must address. Just as pests can damage a beautiful rose garden, envy can disrupt our team and hinder our progress. Let’s confront this issue head-on.
In today’s social media-driven world, it can be challenging to openly share our successes or express joy. Doing so may inadvertently trigger feelings of envy in those who perceive their own lives as less fulfilling.
“Social scientists have identified two distinct types of envy: benign and malignant.”
I’ve experienced two examples of envy that’s worth noting. The first involved a colleague who initially believed I received favouritism from our superior. However, after a personal dinner conversation where we discovered we shared similar work challenges, her attitude shifted. Today, she’s a valued friend.
The second experience had a less positive outcome. A photographer, driven by her ambition to succeed internationally, began plagiarising the work and style of those she saw as competition. She even compared her accommodations to mine at a photography festival, insisting her stay at the same boutique hotel was superior. When I suggested she photograph local tropical flowers, she dismissed them as ‘bunga tahi ayam’ (marigold) which is less glamorous than the Western varieties. Her role as a social media influencer seemed to exacerbate her self-esteem issues. Unfortunately, due to her persistent online intrusions, I eventually had to block her.
Understanding the green-eyed monster
Envy is an irrational zero–sum belief system, where one person’s gain is automatically another’s loss (R Zitelmann, 2009). It originated from a scarcity mindset.
Research suggests a strong correlation between envy and excessive social media use. Social networking platforms, designed to tap into our curiosity and need for social validation, can amplify feelings of envy.
It’s crucial to be mindful of this and to limit our exposure to levels that we can mentally and emotionally manage. Individuals without specialised knowledge often struggle to differentiate between fantasy imagery, such as that found in fashion, and depictions of reality.
Unchecked envy could cause harm to people who suffer it and those at the receiving end of the bitter emotion.
“Research suggests a strong correlation between envy and excessive social media use.”
Social scientists have identified two distinct types of envy: benign and malignant. Benign envy can serve as a motivator for self-improvement, while malignant envy may lead individuals to belittle others or attempt to deprive them of what they envy (Van de Ven, Zeelenberg & Pieters, 2009).
The first group described could include many of us – ordinary individuals with a healthy sense of competition. The second group, however, can be troublesome, manifesting as online trolls, stalking or disruptive presences within our social circles. The best approach is to establish firm boundaries with these individuals. Restrict their access to your online and offline life, as it clearly bothers them.
If you possess strength and confidence, don’t let other people’s negativity deter you from being yourself. Keep doing you. The world always needs positive influences.
How to beat envy
It’s important to recognise that societal values can contribute to feelings of envy. Our culture often equates success with the envy of others, fostering a negative competitive environment in both business and personal achievements. This normalisation of unhealthy competition can be detrimental to our mental well-being.
I find that complacency goes hand-in-hand with envy. Those who are envious tend to blame others for their own lack of progress, overlooking the dedication and effort that successful individuals have invested.
Research suggests that gratitude can be an effective antidote to feelings of envy (Klein, 1984). Studies have shown that building self-efficacy can help individuals avoid harmful social comparisons (Y Li, 2019). Additionally, having unclear life goals can lead people to compare their lives to others (Festinger, 1954).
We need to redefine success from simply ‘being the envy of others’ to ‘having fulfilled his or her unique life’s mission.’ So, I encourage you to take ownership of your life and use your abilities to shape the future you desire.
“Research suggests that gratitude can be an effective antidote to feelings of envy.”
References:
Attitudes to wealth in seven countries: The Social Envy Coefficient and the Rich Sentiment Index
Envy, Social Comparison, and Depression on Social Networking Sites: A Systematic Review
Does insecurity lead to envy? The longitudinal interplay between dispositional envy and self-esteem
After The Rain 